I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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