Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize