I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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