Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
