Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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