A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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