apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
