You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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