we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
