Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
