yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
