We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
