Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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