Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
