dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
