I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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