Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
