we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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