My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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