i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
