Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
