if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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