Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
