I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
NoShamevember. You game?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
