if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
