I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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