my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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