it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
