Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
