you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
