You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
