I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
