just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize