i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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