I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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