It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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