Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
