dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
