Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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