So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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