Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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