When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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