I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
