shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
