This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
