Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
