Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
