I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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