The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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