Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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