I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
