So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
