woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
