the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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