just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
