And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
