Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
