Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
