Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
