the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
